


oh baby, baby

by words_unravel



Series: hs bingo prompt fills (2010 card) [12]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Community: hs_bingo, Flour Babies, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-08
Updated: 2010-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/words_unravel/pseuds/words_unravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[<i>prompt:</i> <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://hs-bingo.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://hs-bingo.livejournal.com/"></a><b>hs_bingo</b> - class: sex education/health]</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh baby, baby

* * *

_[sophomore/junior year]_

  
The lights come on and Spencer blinks, startled by the sudden brightness. He blinks a couple more times, feeling the way his stomach rolls, unsettled. When he looks over, Brendon's a little green around the gills, too. Actually, as Spencer's finally able to shake himself out of the horror that keeps flashing before his eyes, he notices that most of the people in the room look a little ill.

Mrs. Grimes turns off the video player and straightens up. Spencer swears that there's a gleam of satisfaction in her eyes, but she just claps her hands and says, "So! Interesting, yes?"

Without waiting for an answer, she moves back over to her desk. "Babies are serious business. They're small, fragile and completely dependent on their parents to take care of them, to keep them safe, and to help them grow."

Frowning over the tops of her glasses, she repeats, "Babies are serious business and making them should always be taken just as seriously. Got it?" There's an affirmative answering murmur from the class.

Spencer still kind of wants to puke. He's pretty sure he won't be having sex. Ever. He looks over at Brendon again and thinks that he's not going to be the only celibate person on the planet.

"Anyway," Mrs. Grimes sighs. "I'm not allowed to say anymore on that subject so let's get down to the fun part of this assignment."

She uncaps a large plastic bin that's sitting on the floor next to her desk. Spencer cranes his neck, trying to get a glimpse, but he can't see anything from the back of the room. Brendon makes a questioning noise and Spencer just shakes his head.

A moment later, she lifts up a sack of flour and the entire class lets out a collective groan.

 

 

"Oooh–" Brendon looks positively gleeful and Spencer raises an eyebrow, curious. "We can totally make Ross babysit!"

Horrified, Spencer blurts out "Oh my god, are you crazy?" He reaches for the flour sack in Brendon's arms but Brendon just sidesteps his grabby hands. "There's no way in hell Ross is going anywhere near our baby. _Jesus_."

Brendon stumbles a little and Spencer reaches out, wrapping a hand around his arm to steady him. "Careful!" Running a hand through his hair, Spencer mumbles, "We are so gonna fail, cripes."

"Ye of little faith, Spencer Smith." There's a faint brush of pink across his cheeks, Spencer notes. "Did you forget? I am Mormon and we are _fantastic_ with babies."

Rolling his eyes, Spencer replies, "Right. That makes so much sense, Brendon. Mormonism does _not_ make you predisposed for taking care of babies."

Brendon coos at the sack of flour in his arms and a couple of the girls passing by in the hall giggle at him. Brendon grins at them and they blush before moving on. He turns his head toward Spencer and smiles widely. "Aww, Spencer Smith, our baby is going to be so smart! All the more reason to have Ryan babysit, look how that turned out with you!"

Spencer growls out, "I am totally smart on my own, dickface. Also, Ross is liable to drop the baby. Trust me, he nearly did it to Jackie." That's not entirely true; Jackie pretty much threw herself out of Ryan's arms. They were ten when it happened and Ryan was built a lot like he is now, only even twiggier and unused to dealing with wiggling babies.

"Hmmm, potential brain damage versus potential genius-y baby brain. Tough choice."

They reach Brendon's locker and Spencer's definitely not impressed by the way that Brendon hooks the flour baby into the crook of his arm so that he can reach into his locker and pull out his English Lit book. Spencer snorts when Brendon pauses. His backpack is still on. Crossing his arms, Spencer leans a shoulder up against the wall and smirks.

"What are you going to do now, Oh Wise One?"

"Fu–" Brendon looks down at the baby. "Screw you, Spence. Help me."

Spencer doesn't move and Brendon narrows his eyes. They widen a second later when his gaze shifts over Spencer's shoulder. A smile appears and he says, "Ross, just in time! Here, hold this."

Before Spencer can protest and Ryan can refuse, there's a flour baby in Ryan's arms. He fumbles it for a second and Spencer reaches out automatically. "Watch–"

Ryan glares at Spencer, baby firmly in his arms. "You totally told him I couldn't hold the baby, didn't you? That was _one time_ , Spencer, let it go."

"You nearly dropped my baby sister on her head!"

"Whatever." He turns to face Brendon, ignoring Spencer. "What did you name it?"

Shoving his book into his backpack, Brendon says sternly, " _Her_ name is Talula."

"That's perfect–"

Spencer pushes off the wall. "What? We did not name her that!"

Brendon blinks innocently up at him; Ryan's murmuring what sounds like baby talk to the flour sack in his arms, and Spencer's pretty sure all his friends are crazy.

"Don't you remember, Spence?" Brendon's eyes are wide and guileless, but Spencer knows better. "You couldn't get to the hospital when our surrogate gave birth and I had to name her all by myself." He runs a hand over the top of the flour baby's head and smiles at Ryan. Ryan grins goofily back at him.

Definitely certifiable.

"Fine," he sighs. There's no way he's going to win this battle. "But when she grows up and all the other kids make fun of her, I'll make sure she knows who's to blame."

 


End file.
